This is going to be a very personal post again. I don´t even know yet, if it is not a bit to personal. But on the other hand I have the feeling, that it is the right thing to write about it.
When I first saw a Quilt with the Double Wedding Ring pattern, I loved it, an when I found out about the name of the pattern, I knew that I wanted to make one some day. And here is why:
I am a single women in my late thirties. I have been single most of my live. I didn´t choose this purposely. It just happened. Some difficult childhood, some heartbreaking, nothing special, I guess that is what happened to many of us. Some can handle this better, some worse.
I never was somebody who would say, "I am happy with beeing alone" or "I prefer to be alone". I was, and still am, sad about that, especially because I wanted to be a mother someday. As I am getting older the clock is ticking louder and this doesn´t help at all. I tend to feel ashamed of beeing single, because a part of me sees it as a failure not to "manage" to have a constant relationship. And this is why I think that it is important to write this post, because even if I feel ashamed, this women with all these feelings is still me. I deny this part of me so often, I play this tough girl role. I can come along with this better that way.
I´ve been going to the shrink for a long time and still do and I know that it helps me to get through trauma and to get along with live. But sometimes I think,"I have done so much, I tried a lot, I worked so hard, why is there no salvation finally".I am tired! I tried a lot of things from spiritual techniques over therapy to online dating...didn´t help...
But one thing I always had:
I try to visualize all my goals, my wishes and my dreams. I ask for things. And it worked for me in the most ranges. I wished for jobs, for a particular appartement, my shop and I even visualized and got my vintage motorscooter in the exact colour I wanted. It worked for mostly everything, but not for love. Maybe it is because I want it so much, and I think about it often.
When I started to make the Double Wedding Ring Quilt and while I worked on it, I always visualized how I and the man of my heart would sleep under it, how we would cuddle under it. I can see this picture so clearly and this is the little rest of me who still believes that someday it will happen, there will be this one who I can love and who will love me back. I promise I will tell you when that happens, maybe sooner as we all think, because the Quilt wants to be used!
( Now you know why I am not going to make the "single girl" Quilt, allthough I quite like the pattern, I would always see it as a bad sign...Seems like I am a bit supersticious).
So this is my very personal story about this Double Wedding Ring Quilt.
Thanks for reading,